Today in Deep Thoughts in Film Criticism...

I was doing some research for my Pocahontas review series, and I stumbled upon the amazing factoid that apparently in Pocahontas II (which, full disclosure, I have never seen and based on the opinions of everyone ever I have no intention to!), John Rolfe was played by … Billy Zane?!?!?!?

Now, of course everyone quite rightly mocks James Cameron for ripping off all of Avatar from Pocahontas. But, in an odd sort of karmic retribution, it turns out that Pocahontas II (1998) could have learned one very, VERY important lesson from Titanic (1997), and that is:

If you are a voluptuous, free spirited American girl sailing across the Atlantic, you have two love interests, one of whom is Billy Zane:

YOU DO NOT CHOOSE BILLY ZANE.

That is all.

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About the Author

Satiricalifragilistic grew up during the Disney Renaissance, and The Little Mermaid was the first movie she ever saw in theaters at age 3. Her mother flatly refused to let her leave the theater when Ursula got huge and terrifying, and maybe that explains her troubled psyche.

While she'll admit to being an inveterate nitpicker, she firmly believes in loving a piece of art even while criticizing it, and in the importance of engaging critically with what she loves. She has special contempt for anyone who tries to claim the politics in Disney films don't matter because "they're just movies," because she knows exactly how much the Disney Canon influenced her little gradeschool self—for good and for ill!

She loves art, design, music, dancing, movies from Hollywood's Golden Age, and British comedy...expect a lot of these to turn up in her reviews and mashups!

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